Do you think you could survive prison?

When I was in my final year of graduate school, I took a class called multicultural therapy. The aim of the class was to put us in the shoes of the people we would eventually be working with. Among the "working assignments" we were given were to go to a place of Worship that clashed

Let me tell a story here that should answer the question. I'll keep it on subject as much as one possibly can.

When I was in my final year of graduate school, I took a class called multicultural therapy. The aim of the class was to put us in the shoes of the people we would eventually be working with. Among the "working assignments" we were given were to go to a place of Worship that clashed with your beliefs, recruit a same sex friend and walk around in public for an hour, and sleep in a homeless shelter for a night. None of these were that difficult for me, but the final assignment was one that still gives me chills today as I think about it: Spend 72 hours in observation in a Mental Hospital.

I won't pretend a mental hospital falls under the same banner as spending time in jail, as it's much less restrictive. I've had clients who I council who've been to jail, and they laugh off my experiences as if they were nothing. However, my experience was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life.

When we checked in, the only person who knew we were there "on assignment" was the head psychiatrist. None of the nurses, case workers, or therapists knew, we were just considered to be "Patient #23." You turned in your clothes at the door for hospital issued ones. You woke up when they told you to, went to bed when they told you to, and once in your room, you were looked there for the night, with a roommate. My personal roommate had a broken hand, and it was because he had punched a cop. But instead of sending him to jail, they sent him to the hospital. And the man was crazy, and knew no fear. He went after staff several times, had to be tazered, and put in isolation twice in just the three days I was there. I was so thankful the final night when he spent the night in isolation, because I finally got sleep. I was so terrified of this man, and the fact that I was locked in a room with him.

Most of the fear in me came from the lack of control. Being told what to eat, when to shower, and where to be at all times didn't help me in any way, it created a large sense of anxiety in me. I'm someone who's generally a very calm, relaxed individual, but those three days were as anxious as I've ever been in my life. And this was only for a short period of time, and much easier, I imagine, then being in prison. And unlike prison, where you're facing punitive action for wrongs you've done, the hospital is supposed to helppeople.

So could I make it in prison? No. I'm not sure how I would cope. I struggled badly those three days in the hospital, all-the-while knowing Id be getting out soon, and that I was on assignment. As I said earlier, Ive had clients who have been in federal prison, and they laughed at me as I told the story of my fear and anxiety as I tried to empathize with them. "You wouldn't last a f*cking day in jail, kid", I've been told, and I believe them. I shudder just thinking of the way I saw staff treating mentally ill patients in a hospital. If I had a hard time there, it's unfathomable for me to think that I could last long in jail. Thankfully, I've never been arrested, not close, and I plan on keeping it that way. If I could keep to myself, I'd stand a chance, but the chances of that being reality are slim to none. I couldn't bring myself to join a gang if it meant compromising my values, but neither would I be able to deal with someone forcing themselves upon me either. Death or being thrown in isolation would seem like the most pleasant options to me.

Essentially, I look at things this way: Anytime I think my life is difficult and feel confined in any way by responsibility, I think back to the stay in the hospital. The stories I've heard first-hand from those who've been in jail are also terrifying reminders. Although the remembrance of those days and stories make me anxious to this day, they also assist in allowing myself to find perspective, and I consider myself blessed.

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